Somehow I stumbled,
with the last’s night’s mascara still running down my cheeks, and
more than a whisper of vodka smogging my thoughts, onto a plane from
Houston to Calgary, and then... 2 more disheveled plane trips back ‘home.’
The leaves have now changed and I reluctantly begin the task of
knowing which day it is and which city I am in, which can only be
described as ... suffocating. I will eventually, or perhaps never
organize my feelings, but somehow I will attempt to let them settle -
from the sadness that good things must come to an end - to the soft,
cradling joy that they truly happened. Memories are all we take with
us, ultimately.
I have disorganized
notes in journals and my phone, setlists, photos, videos, and will go
through them, but that might take a while, as this is the
longest I’ve ever been away, and the most dates I have ever
attended during a tour. And still... I would have loved to do more. Canada
was especially beautiful, because seeing Morrissey in my home
country meant the world to me, and also – the fans here – they
are fresh with such pure love and devotion for him – I met a woman who had
loved Moz since 1987 but had never seen him in concert before... she
was in her 50’s but lit up with teenage giddiness as she flashed me
her front row ticket ... I met a younger woman who had only ever seen
him once and from afar, several years back, at a concert in LA, but this time, this time she dreamt
of shaking his hand and giving him a present – and it happened.
Morrissey
makes people happy. The mainstream press doesn’t understand this;
in fact, I don’t think they want
to understand much of anything. Without their
bullying clickbait headlines
they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. They might actually
have to try and create or experience something of
their own, something
authentic ...
does that get clicks?
What
would you do if you weren’t afraid? Would you say how you really
feel, or what you really think? Or would you merely continue to click
your life away on a screen?
When
I do get around to writing
some concert reviews, I can’t see myself mentioning the press –
because I was out on the road living my life, visiting
new places with
my friends – and seeing the one
person who rescues me, on a
daily basis, from the loneliness of my own head – Morrissey.
All
I really have to say about the press,
I posted on Instagram a few days ago:
Always be
critical of the media and question what they TELL you to think, from
their dusty desks, rather than living the moment, in the flesh. The
truth is in the hearts and eyes of the fans at concerts, cheering,
crying, and singing their lives.
If
you were part of my gorgeous memories from the last 6 weeks or so, I
cannot thank you enough. I look forward to more tours and music.
<3
Photos by me
