Polls Of Refusal

It’s been an odd week or so for me because we actually had loads of snow here – and that almost never happens! Many people are under the misconception that all of Canada is buried under snow 6 months of the year, but that just isn’t the case. If there’s approximately one inch of snow where I live, everyone either flips into a flutter of panic or views it as some kind of rare holiday. What I like about the snow is that, in spite of its inconvenience, it makes everything appear quite ethereal and gives a strange, sparkling beauty to normal things we don’t usually notice; it’s absolutely transformative. During all of this, the most important factor was that I visit my duck friends as it was harder for them to acquire food while blankets of snow fell over their pond; luckily, they took it all in stride, and seeing their little beaks dusted with snow was adorable.

In the midst of snowflakes and degrees below freezing, I was trying to figure out how I could manage to see Morrissey in Mexico, but then amazingly some US tour dates were announced! I wasn't expecting tour dates so soon and this news reminded me I can still feel joy (an ability we sometimes forget we have during a particularly rough spell in life). The day before the TTY announcement I tweeted a new (to me) circa 2009 cardigan photo I had come across, and as I think cardis are lucky – this combination of events gave me a thrill! It reminded me a bit of last year when I tweeted cardigan photos and then tour dates were announced. Yes, yes... I realize I do put up lots of cardigan photos, but I’ll just continue to think to myself they are magical anyway. I've since sent a cardi pic to a Twitter friend hoping for dates in Chicago for a bit of good luck too.

The magic of the cardigan

This past week I also made a small-yet-tremendously-important fashion poll (which is something I have done countless times), and this time 41% of voters appear to agree with me that Moz in a cardigan is dream-worthy.  Suit and tux came in a close second. I believe this poll was different in that I don't think I had previously included 'Priest Moz' as an option, and a few people confessed, with a touch of self-described Catholic guilt, that they had a weak spot for Father Moz.

I can resist anything except temptation

Now... let's get back to 2009, which was certainly an outstanding year for cardigans, and it was also the year that Morrissey’s 9^th studio album, Years Of Refusal, was released, on February 16^th. As I am lamentably clumsy when it comes to numbers, and sometimes can’t even remember what year it is (this could also be something to do with getting old-ish...sigh), I didn’t realize it was the 8^th anniversary of the album yesterday until I noticed some people talking about it. Years Of Refusal is one of my most loved records, full of pulsating tracks with driving rhythms and lyrics surrounding everything from psychotropic medications, to suicide, to coming to terms with romantic disappointments. I love listening to this album and singing along VERY loudly while I drive.

As a slight aside, I've been thinking about how, on the covers of his last 4 studio albums, Morrissey is holding something:

A gun on You Are The Quarry
A violin on Ringleader Of The Tormentors
A baby on Years Of Refusal
A pen on World Peace Is None Of Your Business

I'll be endlessly musing over whether there is continued symbolism or extended metaphor somehow woven through these images. In such moments I regret my English degree, which has rendered me completely unemployable, and I'm sure the fact I annoyingly wonder these things is related to having to draw a 2,000 word essay on 'symbolism' out of the air on a sharp deadline.  However, one idea I came up with is that the items could represent both change and stagnation.

Guns are used in wars that are 'supposed to' change something that is currently going on in a country - but lead to the perpetual state of violence, which essentially is history repeating itself.

Music is definitely capable of changing the world, as I believe art reaches people in a way few, if any other, mediums can. However, the current state of the music industry, to a great extent, is one of stagnation as talentless acts seem to get so much radio play and promotion.

Babies can represent the change of a new generation, but with each generation, it seems that humans simply destroy the planet they are on, and perpetuate their own unhappiness - and this begs the question is there any point? Round, round, the rhythm of life goes round.

Pens can also represent dramatic change - with words and writing we can reach people with ideas or new ways of thinking - and yet (at least in Canada, as we don't vote electronically yet) we use pens to mark votes in ballots. World Peace Is None Of Your Business. What will marking the ballot do? Politics are stagnant as the same personality type seems perpetually drawn to becoming leaders. Also, the mainstream media itself, newspapers, online articles, often are formulated to say nothing groundbreaking and suggestively echo set views.

Such ambiguity fascinates because there are at least two sides to every image, or symbol.  And I am sure I'm totally off the mark but sometimes it's intruiging, at least to me, to think of these things.

Moving on...

Since it was Years Of Refusal's 8^th birthday, I decided to make a poll enquiring people’s favourite song on the album.

I was SO pleased to see many people submitting write-in answers as sometimes the ‘other’ (please specify) option leads to people not being particularly eager to specify. The breakdown between 138 votes was...

As we can see All You Need Is Me was the winner with 36% of the votes - and there was a frustratingly inconclusive tie between I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris and Something Is Squeezing My Skull.

The write in votes were for .....

3 votes for It's Not Your Birthday Anymore 
3 votes for Black Cloud
2 votes for I'm OK By Myself
2 votes for Mama Lay Softly On The Riverbed
and 1 write-in each for:
That's How People Grow Up

You Were Good In Your Time
One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell

It can be monumentally difficult to choose a favourite track on an album, particularly one as stunning as Years Of Refusal. Throughout my 20’s, with the dawn of the ipod, I often lost touch with the feeling of listening to a recording from beginning to end – albums as entire works became lost in the shuffle. While some artists may write an album with a few singles and the rest merely filler, Morrissey is not one of those artists, and his albums stand as cohesive works of art – each song building as part of an entire masterpiece. That’s why lately I do find myself returning to the indulgence of listening to albums top to bottom – as I feel this gives the listener a unique experience of the themes, nuances, and timelessness of the album total.

In asking such a task as choosing a favourite song on the album, I must attempt to do so myself. I have a difficult time selecting just one, but feel a draw towards Something Is Squeezing My Skull, because of my own struggles with mental health, the mental health system, and dealing with the views of others who may be less than understanding. Musically, the song is a powerful opening track, boasting forceful drums, and grinding guitars – and lyrically, well, the line “I know by now you think I should have straightened myself out, thank you – drop dead” says it all about the internal thoughts churning when one is confronted with the judgement of another – whether it be a family member, acquaintance, or mental health professional. And wouldn’t expressing these words aloud actually be pretty damn freeing? No wonder I love singing this one in the car at full volume. The climax of the song roars into pharmaceutically-driven poetics where the promised-land ‘cure’ of diazepam, lithium, ECT, et al., actually derails into further confusion as Moz pleads, “Don’t give me anymore.” Sometimes treatment for the mind can be zombifying, lead to greater mood swings or side effects, and ultimately seem entirely hopeless. I think in a sense this song actually empowers the ‘sufferer’ - as he or she is finally able to lash out these thoughts and frustration in a world that often demands we keep quiet when we suffer or openly question the many dark aspects of life.

Years Of Refusal is full of highlights for me, as we move into Mama Lay Softly On The Riverbed, with its military-precision drumbeat and that resonating line – “life is nothing much to lose” - sung over a sudden switch into swaying instrumental. Then, post verse and chorus, the instrumental switches into a solo section that seems, at least to me, to musically evoke the sensations of a furious strife in a fight with life. I’ve been lucky enough to see this song live a few time and it’s tremendous every time (Watch for Boz on the drums!).

I’m tempted to now write about each song but I think I’ll drone on too long (and I’m writing late at night!) – so I’ll just add a few other highlights of mine...

“There’s so much destruction, all over the world. And all you can do is, complain about me.”

Like Mama Lay Softly On The Riverbed, I believe When Last I Spoke To Carol also deals with suicide, although the exact cause of death is left unsaid. Carol slaps a smile across her face mechanically, but continually feels as if she is hanging on to an unenjoyable existence, an existence she is thrown into, by a thread. She dies young, presumably because “to the rescue, nobody ever comes.” So many of us feel we don’t fit into this world, and while we live in hope it will somehow get easier – does it? Will it? For Carol it didn’t seem to, yet rather than the music be funerary or desolate, it's lush with hip-swaying Spanish guitars and blazing brass. It’s somehow dark and jubilant all at once – astonishing – but isn’t this why we love Moz so?

Do we find greater acceptance of romantic disappointment after romantic disappointment if we throw our arms around stone and steel – or realize that’s how people grow up? Perhaps it hurts more to constantly whip ourselves with the lacerating pain of feeling ‘left out’ from others who appear to enjoy greater romantic success. Disappointment at times carries sourness and resignation but sometimes acceptance of one’s current situation can offer some degree of solace. What-ifs or what-could-have-beens bite hard and thrust into our consciousness relentlessly. These lyrics, to me, speak to that overwhelming feeling of not really knowing if we are missing out on what others experience in life and relationships, which can be quite isolating... “Let me live before I die. Not me! Not I!”

“You made me feel less alone. You made me feel not quite so deformed, uninformed, and hunchbacked.”

The message of I’m OK by Myself might disturb you, but it makes a great deal of sense as experience in life can make it very hard to trust others. When others try to meddle, with their own views – it can be aggravating. I often wondered if this song is rejecting the notion of a society fixated on coupledom, but it also could involve friendships or business relationships, or possibly religious philosophies. I find the song empowering, but also etched with veins of sadness about how hard it is to truly trust anyone in this world. Moz really showcases his vocal range in this and the distortion at the end is, for lack of more eloquence as I type at 1 a.m. - very cool!

In essence, I love a ton of aspects of Years Of Refusal, and find myself reaching for it often. It offers a deluxe organza of instrumentals, at times bestowing a collage of sound on the listener, with lyrics that reach into the depths of human emotional experience, then blending this with dashes of punk, and Sinatraesque crooning.

I’ll leave you with this interview that was included on the special edition DVD version of the album. Rustle, dressed in what Morrissey himself describes as a "fetching cardigan" (I've only just noticed this - HOW?!) invites Moz over to his abode for an interview.

Rustle describes the grand atmosphere of Years Of Refusal as "whoooaoaoa...." or something to that extent:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Some Favourite Morrissey Quotes

January was a horrendous month for me except for the fact I found out you can make vegan cupcakes with a box of cake mix and a tin of pop. (ThanksPeta 2!) And guess what? It actually works. I used this as an opportunity to celebrate the very important 4 month anniversary of Moogly the spider living on my window sill, and baked black glitter spider cupcakes. Whether my excitement over Moogly's milestone means that my (very) minimal maternal instincts have gone haywire in my mid 30’s, or that I’m very bored, or that I’m simply just insane - doesn’t matter - because the important thing is, while I’ve always loved animals, Moz has helped me embrace living creatures that used to scare me – such as spiders (yes, yes I'm still nervous around very large ones). As we approach his 5th month living here, I find Moogly’s presence extremely comforting and am always pleased to see him.

Morrissey in Santa Barbara w/ a Mexican flag by mozzlie on Instagram

Spider cupcakes

But wait... aside from vegan glittery spider cupcakes, there was one more fantastic thing about January, and that was on January 31^st , it was announced Morrissey will be headlining the Roxy Festival in Guadalajara. Morrissey in Mexico! The TTY announcement included a photomontage by Sam Esty Rayner of Thump holding a “World Peace is None Of Your Business” sign. Trump probably cannot spell the word Peace, as it is unlikely to be found anywhere in his vocabulary; in fact, he’d more likely spell it “Piece”, considering his power-based-on-fear politics are intent on splintered divisiveness and blazing guns macho ‘bravado’ (yawn). The first thing I wondered when Trump was (shudder) elected was “is he really going to build a wall?” Ugh. 

This Is Not America photomontage by SER via TTY

The last time I visited Mexico, I was 12 years old which was an...errr.... rather long time ago... and I only managed to catch a glimpse of Puerto Vallarta as a disembarked and disenchanted cruise ship passenger. Not that I didn’t find Mexico enchanting - it's a beautiful country full of culture and passion; the issue was...I felt an immense sense of embarrassment regarding some of my travel 'companions'. Our prepackaged excursion itself was lovely, involving a wander through the outskirts of lush palm jungles and into pockets of town speckled with people and animals, including a bobbing brown chicken. The people of Puerto Vallarta were friendly and smiling, selling delicately handmade crafts at colourful stands, but I felt apologetic about the majority of my cruise-mates: tactless white businessmen wearing Señor Frogs hats, who seemed to suffer from bellowing superiority complexes - or something... Full of unending embarrassment, I just quietly stared at the entire spectacle while wondering if the majority of the Mexicans, including the children, were inwardly rolling their eyes as this frenzied pack of tourists pronouncing "hola" with a hard h invaded their home for a couple of hours. Self-consciousness raked me: did I seem so tacky and unwanted myself?  To be honest, if you want to travel and truly experience your destination, I wouldn’t recommend cruises, especially if you aren’t a fan of other humans - or never-ending buffets.

I would love to go back to Mexico, free from the burden of cruise-ship people, and Guadalajara looks beautiful (I am drawn to the architecture especially). I've also been missing Morrissey and I can imagine the passion of the fans for Moz’s return is palpable. Now I wait and wonder if I should begin dusting off my Spanish lessons.

Guadalajara Cathedral

In the meantime, I thought I would post a collection of some of my favourite Morrissey quotes that I compiled around two years ago, along with a few others I've since added. Some of the quotes are thought-provoking, some are profound, some are heart-wrenching, some are humorous, some are a combination of all four, and all of them speak to me on a level most people never reach. All words from Morrissey are in quotations.


Q: If you could tell your teenage self one thing, what would it be?

A: "I am still my teenage self. If you think that we all step through a door marked Adult, or that we sign a Grown-Up Document, you're quite wrong. We remain as we always were, and that, alas, is one of life's many nasty tricks."

Worst Habit:

"Avoiding people. I avoid people that I actually like. I suppose that's a phobia, but it's also a habit."


Q: I think a lot of young people, including myself, find it hard to be truly themselves. Your music has helped me immensely on this issue. What would your advice be to the younger generation on how to accept yourself?

"I don't think we ever do! I think we all die feeling apologetic and embarrassed. I'm as much of a mess now as I was when I was 16. There are too many forces telling us we aren't good enough - music critics, bank managers, the police, the judiciary, ex wives ... do you have the nerve to tell them all to get stuffed? That's the only thing that will do it. The sociological arrangements of the western world rely exclusively on people NOT being their true selves. Otherwise, they couldn't be governed and frightened and lost and timid - as most people unfortunately are. You can't control people by telling them to be themselves. As soon as people decide to be themselves, the police reach for their stun guns, and governments roll out the tanks ... Egypt, Bahrain, Thailand, Brazil, Ukraine, Syria ... the very last thing we are encouraged to be is ourselves. This is why it's always so shocking when someone stands up and gives an honest opinion. In all cases, such people are criticized by the print media, but never applauded." Via TTY


"I think people like David Davis only go into politics because it's the only arena where atrocious haircuts are permissible" Hot Press 2008

The only arena where atrocious haircuts are permissible.

"Life is so difficult for everybody, and it certainly has been for me. But I feel I can cope with it more. And that's simply realizing how you can step back and make yourself comfortable and shut the world away and stop watching television news and so forth. I find that useful."  From an interview with the Daily Telegraph


"I think it's important to lead a good life, and try not to hurt anyone - or anything. This is difficult because we live in a world where violence seems to be the answer to everything. The courts, the police, tax officials, governments - they all rely upon the threat of violence to get their way.
It's a crude world and most people are crude. All you can do is your best." Via TTY


"We're all lonely, but I'd rather be lonely by myself than with a long list of duties and obligations. I think that's why people kill themselves, really. Or at least that's why they think, 'Thank heaven for death.'"

"Most people, I find in life, do not want to be individual. They want to walk in a pack; they want to be part of a herd. God forbid they're ever considered to be special. And that's why most people reproduce, because it proves that they're a regular Joe. But there's certainly such a pressure in American society to be that regular Joe."

Q: They reproduce as proof that they are a regular Joe?

"Yes, to prove that they are sound and they're gung-ho and everything's working - I can do it and I can prove it, out comes this little splotchy thing that, uh... nobody really likes. [Laughs.]

Moz then goes on to say that he would make a good dad to kittens. Via LA Weekly

"I'm drawn to people who aren't afraid and who question authority. It takes great courage, I think, to defend animals - and it takes great courage to speak your mind. Most people are petrified by public embarrassment - especially in America, which is why the police constantly shout at the public - this doesn't happen in any other country. Except Fiji." When asked what qualities he admires most in a person. Via TTY


"I don't think loneliness or a sense of isolation is restricted to youth. For some people, unfortunately, it lasts for their entire lives. They remain alone, or they remain very reflective, looking inwards. So I don't ever feel that I was initially simply writing for 13-year-olds. I also don't think once you're beyond 21 everything magically falls into place. I don't think that's true. From an interview with SPIN


"German cities are booming, stylish, artistic, and classy ... Britain, on the other hand, is obsessed with detestable celebrity, OMG diets, Botox, make-overs, and under-the-dryer gossip. It is England that has gone backwards and has become a dumbed-down 1980's California, where the print media are fully content with people such as Pippa Middleton." From an interview with Loaded

Morrissey in Berlin. Photo by Andras Meixensperger

Q: Do you blame anyone or anything for you being alive?

A: "Not at all. But I wouldn't want to inflict it on anyone else... I cannot understand having children. Even if the opportunity arose, I would definitely turn it down. No I don't blame anyone for bringing me into the world, but I do feel that life is excessively overrated." Blitz, 1988


"I see nothing wrong with being hard to please. It has its own grace, it's the very least we should expect. I feel that the opinions of the hard to please people are the ones that really count. They are prepared for discovery and change." Blitz, 1988


Q: The song 'Something is Squeezing My Skull is about anti-depressants. Are you skeptical about their usefulness?

"Whatever gets you through. I'm not judgmental about these things... Booze, drugs, if it helps you, then take it. Life is a difficult business, and most people find it to be actually impossible... even Jesus only made it to 33. I don't know why we're all so hard on ourselves. We all need the same things from life, and they're very simple things,yet we all make sure that the other doesn't get it. People are pathetic, on the whole, and I mean pathetic in a sad sense." Hot Press, 2008

Q: 'Something is Squeezing My Skull' describes a state of some despair or isolation, set to paradoxically driving music. Does the song pertain to a specific episode or period in your life, or does it refer to a more general disquiet?

"I was enormously influenced by film as a child, and I made the assumption at a very early age that whatever you see in feature film is what will eventually happen when you grow up. When I became a teenager it was strikingly obvious that feature films - especially Hollywood films - were the biggest lie of all. And still are. This, coupled with the realisation when I was around ten or eleven, that abattoirs existed, was too much for me and I slipped from being quite a noisy and yappy child into an intense and withdrawn thirteen-year-old. Further on, the direct result of this was the inevitable anti-depressants. If you can't shoulder the burden of living in a society which is less than civilized then you don't quite fit into the community and too much is going on in your head. When I was fifteen I was under no illusion that life was a terrible thing. My view has never changed. I think this is why we all love to sleep - because it's the only way to get away from life. Well, of course, there is another way..." Hot Press, 2009


"I'm thankful that the people who consider me to be depressing are always in themselves very dull." Thrasher Magazine, 2015


Q: Do you like people?

"Not really... I can't think of a reason to like them. Human beings are not, by nature, interesting."

"I understand well why many writers lock themselves away forever. With their words they can recreate the actions they couldn't develop in real life, and not because they are dysfunctional, but because the human race is not empathetic at all. To make true friends can take a lifetime, and at the same time, the more you know a person, the more they disappoint you. They say we are a civilized species, but I insist, turn on the television and you will see what we are: a bunch of crazy people in a global insane asylum."


"Yes, I carry around notebooks because we do tend to hear things that we'll never hear again, so there's no point relying on memory all of the time. I also listen intently to what people say, and I have the annoying habit of constantly seeing it written down before me. This is only annoying because most people don't say anything interesting. Consequently, all of my notebooks are blank." The Australian, 2015.


"I'm very proud of the lyrics to 'The World Is Full Of Crashing Bores...Partly because they're obviously very true, but also because I can't think of anyone who has ever made that observation." The Australian, 2015.

Gathering these quotes together again has me wanting to re-read some of my interview books - and I think I shall. In other Morrissey news, there are new pin badges at the UK Mporium store and one is a black cat. My heart! <3 I would love to add this to my collection of Moz cat merch, as it combines my two most-adored comforts in this world, Morrissey and cats. This darling little black cat sold out in two days, so I'm hoping more will arrive.

How Soon is Meow?

Photo via MPorium UK