Discovering and re-discovering Autobiography...
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| My two copies of Autobiography |
I have a
bit of a naughty habit of reading multiple books at a time (I know, the things I get up to are shocking!), which actually doesn’t
sound entirely like a bad thing, but it can be rather confusing. However, if I didn’t have this habit, I’d
likely be into my 14
th month of trudging through
Being and Nothingness,
and probably only be about 20 pages further than where I last left off (this is
no slight to Sartre - I
do like him, but he can be rather difficult to
understand!) As I’ve read
List of
the Lost three times, I realized about a month ago that I had only read
Autobiography once, aside from some excerpts whilst
traveling, so I eagerly decided a re-read was in order.
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| Monsieur Sartre |
When I first read Autobiography, I was
relatively new to the world of Morrissey.
I had been listening to the Smiths and Morrissey for only a few months,
and had not yet attended a concert. However, I was already captivated, and after
reading the first few pages of Autobiography online,
I knew I had to acquire a copy. So that
November, feeling quite morose in every other way possible, I held in my hands the
excitement of a book that entirely enthralled me. As late autumn rain
hammered the windows, I crawled into my bed and poured over Morrissey's words, feeling as
though I had found a long lost friend.
I was struck by his unique use of language, metaphor, and blazing
description (which allows one to dissolve into the pages, as if the reader were
actually present - in 1970's Manchester, for instance), as well as the depth and intelligence with which he expresses his views. And much like
his lyrics, he tells his story with humour and heartbreak, following the
mind and heart with flowing stream of consciousness, and avoiding the artificiality
of clunky chaptered pauses; in my opinion, this makes Morrissey's works more reflective of how life itself is actually lived.
So, naturally I was very eager to re-read it. There were many parts that captivated me during my first hungry read,
and this time I decided to make notes of all of my favourite quotes and
sections*. Still, trying to be
selective, I ended up with 63 screenshots, which would be far too many quotes to list. There is also a risk with any work of art,
writing, music – of over-dissection – and of course, listing quotes is never
comparable to delving into a piece as a whole. That said, there are often
words, phrases, pages, that stand out to us with their poetry, their meaning, or for any other particular reason, so I thought I would share some of my favourites:
*Note: I now realize due to my predictable throes of laziness and ever-present lack of organization, I didn't manage the page numbers for all quotes. Typical me, typical me, typical me.
Note two: If you haven't read Autobiography yet, then you may not want to read the quotes listed here so you can appreciate it in its full form for your initial read. Or... you may want to read this to get a taste. So - well, decide for yourself.
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| Reading on the plane: I Will See You in Far Off Places |
1.
The opening pages. I won't reproduce the entire passage here, but
Autobiography draws you in from the start, with a beginning which stands amongst some of the best openings in classic literature:
"My childhood is streets upon streets upon streets upon streets. Streets to define you and streets to confine you, with no sign of motorway, freeway, or highway. Somewhere beyond hides the treat of the countryside, for hour-less days when rains and reins lift, permitting us to be amongst people who live surrounded by space and are irked by our faces..."
2.
Moz on Miss World. What does Moz think of beauty pageants? I've often thought the same thing about the lack of male beauty pageants: if one exists, then why not the other?
"An annual flash of glamor is the Eurovision Song Contest, whose voting system is heart stopping, as is the Grand National turf accountant's dream of Miss World, as all of England places their bets on the beauty of young women whose full human potential is limited to one frozen expression; their bodies are for others, but not for themselves. ...There is no such thing as Mr World, perversely enough."
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| Miss World finalists circa 1965 |
3. The Secondary School Experience. St. Mary's truly sounded horrific - and this sentence can also be applied to other aspects of life as well, particularly within the confines of certain social expectations that are thrust upon us, even though we never asked for them.
"Now comes the hour to choose between being acceptable to others or being acceptable to one's own self, for we must kill our true selves off in order to survive."
4. Mozza's Art teacher flips out about the Dolls:
"'LOOK AT THIS!' she demanded of everyone, 'LOOK AT THIS!' and everyone looked at this. 'THIS is sickness. These are MEN making themselves sexual for OTHER MEN!'"
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| 'LOOK AT THIS!' |
5. At the age of 17, on depression, and the desire for self-expression:
"If only I could forget myself I might achieve. I am crumbling from the top downwards - in mad-eyed mode, finding daylight difficult. Unemployable, my life draws in tightly. At 17 I am worn out by my own emotions, and Manchester is a barbaric place where only headless savages can survive. There is no one to take me on, and no one to bother about me. Months go on for years. I explode from intensity. I cannot cope with anything other than my inability to cope. I want to sing. I am difficult and withdrawn - a head really, but not a body - full of passion within, but none outwardly." -p.116
6. Stepping up to the microphone...
"...I am removed from the lifelong definition of others, and their opinions matter no more. I am singing the truth by myself, which might also be the truth of others ... and give me a whole life ... let the voice speak up for once and for all ..." - p. 140
7. Speaking up for the awkward...
"Undernourished and growing out of the wrong soil, I knew at this time that a lot of people found me hard to take, and for the most part I understood why. Although a passably human creature on the outside, the swirling soul within seemed to speak up for the most awkward people on the planet. Somewhere deep within, my only pleasure was to out-endure people's patience. Against sane judgement, I risked unpopularity with my adrift physicality; but there it was, and how could the world possibly be in need of yet another Phil Collins? The subject of sex remained theoretical, and no one expressed any interest in me, which I didn't mind as long as I could create." - p. 179
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| Do we really need another Phil? |
8. Rules:
"Rules, in all things, are simply laid down so that someone might break them." - p. 197
9. The train ride from Manchester to giddy London:
"Leaving Manchester always meant the train to London - giddy yet sad on a journey all alone. No matter how high-speed the train, the frozen reflection in the window is the collapsed countenance of your own face staring back at you, unchanged with the fast-track passing of miles, questioning, questioning, questioning, like a second you - an inner you, representing the superiority of reason, reminding you that there is nowhere to run." - p. 199
10. Cats:
"Cats will be cats." - p. 227
11. The entire section about the ghost on the moors (p. 229-238)
This is one of my favourite passages due to its...
Beautifully haunting descriptions:
"We are greeted by a dancing sheet of impenetrable fog waving above and around us; no visible skyline, no tail lights to follow, no toasty pub lights in the distance, no comforting white noise, no sign of life - just this place of trepidation with us in it"
And, quite selfishly, I remember reading this the first time and feeling my heart leap out of my chest, into my throat, and somewhere up to who-knows-where, because of Morrissey's uniquely amusing and accurate ways of describing the world's crashing bores. I've admittedly had thoughts similar to these... and well, I had to chuckle:
"In mid-day brightness tedious people in hiking shorts will delight at the sight of shy grouse..."
(Did he really just use the expression "tedious people in hiking shorts?" Be still my heart!)
and...
"Not vandals as such, but more than likely to be those blandly smiling families, out for the day, restless and careless, the earth belonging only to them and their smelly children as they advance decay wherever they go."
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| Advancing decay |
12. Can you picture Moz saying 'come party'?
"'The riot ensued when Morrissey instructed the crowd to "come party",' says a reliable newshound to the on-the-spot camera, and the very idea of me ever sinking so low as to use the expression 'come party' makes me spray tonight's toddy across the television screen." - p. 243
13. On masculinity and feminism:
"Masculinity is marked out by a million intolerably exhaustive guidelines - defined by a sea of should-nots, must-nots, do-nots - and male friendships are bogged down by a welter of touch-me-not rules. With this it is assumed the world is saved." - p. 275
"I understand feminism to be a social savior because it liberates everyone without exclusion, whereas masculinism damns itself by measuring a man's health by the amount of sexual gratification he receives." - p. 78
14. Why do humans take the lives of animals for food?
"Nobody can possibly be so hungry that they need to take a life in order to feel satisfied - they don't, after all, take a human life, so why take the life of an animal? Both are conscious beings with the same determination to survive. It is habit, and laziness, and nothing else." - p. 274
15. On Vauxhall and I:
"The album became the first start-to-finish emotional journey, each track as warm as the last, noise and poetry turned loose in one of those visionary sessions that your future returns will constantly search for. Faulty emotional development can ripple like the sea, and only by the creation of art can your inner isolation seem insanely worthwhile." - p. 278
16. Christmas music:
"As radio vomits out its usual patchwork of puke-inducing Christmas songs, I have forgiven Jesus is heard only once - on the Steve Wright Show." - p. 371
17. Silver linings?
"...every silver lining has a cloud." p. - 386
18. Not everything ends horrifically
"A very small, flightless bird is now living in the back yard. I feed it constantly, and at night I place it on a blanket and fence it in using large boxes so that it has the freedom to move about but can't be pounced on by predators...Twice [the bird's parents] swoop down to feed their baby, causing it to skip and flutter in drunken excitement at their contact, but as they move away they are still urging the bird to follow, and it freezes in fright. This scenario continues for two weeks, and I won't go to bed unless I've made sure that the fledgling is secure. One morning it is gone, and I am distraught, pulling apart every bush and outdoor plant in search, when suddenly I look up to the roof and there is the bird finally positioned between both parents. Not everything ends horrifically." - p. 400
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| It takes strength to be gentle and kind |
19. Finding love from thousands
"I step onto the stage and the heave forwards from the crowd is like a mudslide as hockey tonsils roar back at me. It is an avalanche of heavy petting, and what discreet Lowellians might refer to as 'night baseball'. Jesus, I am loved. Having never found love from one, I instead find it from thousands - at the same time, in the same room." - p. 402
20. There is no such thing in life as normal
"Fame can demand upon you a sudden wish to get along unseen, after those riddled years of wanting nothing at all but to be heard... although eccentricity is now permissible - since your art has paid its dues in the swamps of self-torment and the scars of failures, even your mis-steps can suddenly seem honorable. You are, in any case, disqualified from what is known as 'normal' society (that is the society in which none qualify as being 'normal' since 'normal' doesn't actually exist) because you don't fit into anyone's drab philosophy." - p. 436
21. How Moz writes American Idol:
"American, I, Dull" - p. 440
22. The last pages:
I won't reveal the ending if you haven't read it - although, this begs the question, if you haven't read it,
WHY HAVEN'T YOU READ IT?
But I must quote these few lines from the last page that always move me:
"I am no more unhappy than anyone else, and most humans are wretched creatures - cursed by the sadness of being..."
and
"All along, my private suffering felt like vision, urging me to die or go mad, yet it brings me here..."
p. - 454.
There... I could have listed many more but I had to exhibit some degree of self-control; although, self-control is highly overrated. Additionally, out of curiosity, I posted a Twitter poll asking my followers how many times they had read
Autobiography, for which the results were somewhat frustratingly inconclusive (however, those who voted, I can't help but thank you for voting AND for not having me on mute, regardless!). But definitely, if you haven't read it, or are thinking of giving it another read,
Autobiography is absolutely is a book where, depending on mood or experience, new passages can jump out at you, or speak to you, with each revisit.
I'd also be interested to know what some of your favourite quotes are, so feel free to leave them in a comment, if you feel so bold!
